It’s so weird to think that back in high school I had the time of my life. I did the craziest shit, had the BEST adventures with my friends. I remember being able to tell people about all the spontaneous events in my life and they would just be in awh. Haha, back when I had to lie to my parents about what I was doing because I didn’t want them to get mad at me. No I’m not talking about doing drugs and shit like that. My old friends and I used to do it ALL without the drugs and alcohol. Grant it though we did drink a few times but who didn’t in high school? It was the best for me. I had amazing friends and they defined me and made me passionate about being adventurous.. Now my friends are all boring but I mean that in the kindest way. Everyone is settling down, including me, so I, too, am boring. All I do is go to work, go to school and do homework/study. It’s different, but I’ve conformed. I just miss it all.. I miss all the things I used to do.. I’m only 18, I shouldn’t have to feel so grounded all the time. I should be able to go out and have a good fucking time without having to explain myself. I shouldn’t have to waste Saturday nights studying all the damn time.. It just sucks so badly. I would love to just take a day and not have to worry about any of my responsibilities and just go out and have a good time like I used too. Growing up fucking sucks.

About this whole Disney college thing.. And I don’t think I even want to go anymore. I know this is going to sound dumb, but I’m not exactly okay with dropping everything and leaving for five whole months.. That’s five whole months I won’t get to cherish with my family and my friends, that’s five whole months I will be away and feel as if I’m missing a chapter back at my home town. Just thinking about being away for so long makes me want to cry.. I leave in 95, well now 94 days and I quite frankly don’t want to leave even though I always scream how much I wait to be away. I just can’t imagine just being gone for so long, and I know I’m making this sound like I’m going to prison for five months even though I’m just going to Florida, but it’s going to feel pretty damn close to a prisoner cell, except they get visiting hours as often as they please, I’ll get to see my family once. I don’t think I can honestly do this. At first this sounded like a great opportunity but at the same time I always had thought I probably wasn’t going to get in anyways, joke was on me aye? I should probably make my mind up soon.. Fuck

SO irritated.

I could say it, but you won’t believe me. You say you do, but you don’t deceive me
It’s hard to know that you’re out there, it’s hard to know that you still care. I could say it but you wont believe me, you say you do but you don’t deceive me, dead hearts are everywhere.